i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
