My first STD was from a foam party
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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