you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
