You just made me feel so damn special
I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
