why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i came on her dog
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
