glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
