i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
