And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
