At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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