They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
