Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
