bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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