I love black thongs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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