...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize