I threw up into my coffee this morning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
