i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
