Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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