cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My ATM looks so different sober.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
