remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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