3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
