You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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