i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
