I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize