hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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