My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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