If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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