the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
