were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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