Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
