so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
