I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize