His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Alive.
So much puke
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
