How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
