I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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