btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
