he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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