Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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