xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
