i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
