In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize