i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
