At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
