the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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