I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
