Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
