i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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