kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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