i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
