Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
