the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
