I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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