Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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