its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
