I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
