while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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