shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
