I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His nipple licking is glorious
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