Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
