he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
