Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
