I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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