We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
