they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you had me at cake vodka
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
