ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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