You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
