I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
