I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
