Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

im six kinds of drunk right now

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(818): View more from California

Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics

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(910): View more from North Carolina

So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon

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(760): View more from California

I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

(760): View more from California

When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

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(206): View more from Washington

tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth

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(713): View more from Texas

If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.

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(315): View more from New York

We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"

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(217): View more from Illinois

sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!

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