oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
