I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
