i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize