can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wanna go halves on a baby?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
