Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
