Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
