Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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