After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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