Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
