please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
