I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
