i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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