I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize