You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
