Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
