I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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