There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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