Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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