Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
