My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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