so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
