The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
